Strange Fruit

It seems ironic that the first time i saw Amy Winehouse in person, I was struggling through my first experience with drugs. Before you gasp and judge me in a brand new light, they were herbal highs in the innocent year of 2006, when they were sold on festival stalls like sweets. I was always a nieve teenager, lacking in experimentation with drugs and alcohol (this may I add, is not a bad thing).

I swallowed the herbal high, a kind of off-green pill, sour. After half an hour with no affect, I took two swigs of Jack Daniels. I tipped backwards, rolling on the floor in fits of giggles. That soon wore off.

I began to cry uncontrollably - "You're aren't my friends!! Sam (long story) is making you all pretend to be freinds with me! Eve will never talk to me again (again, long story). What I was experiencing was extreme paranoia. This lasted all weekend, and in between fits of bawling and "You don't like me!", I managed to see a few acts. One of them was Amy Winehouse.

It was Friday night and I was wondering around the field in a dreamstate, not necessarily a pleasant one. The Go Team were hitting up the mainstage while my friends were doing thier upmost best to make sure I didn't run away from them - those pills put me in a terrible emotional state of wanting to escape all company.

A distant tremble hit my ears at this moment. A booming male voice, the kind who could host in a smokey jazz bar, announced, "Please introduce, Miss Amy Winehouse.."

In 2006, I was proud to say I was a gigantic fan of Amy Winehouse and her album, Frank. I ran. I ran without a care in the field. Stumbling, all previous worries of paranoia and dispair evaporated as I scurried through the Autumn air in my out-of-it state. My friends chased me with all of the concentration they could muster.

I'd made it right to the front of the stage, and in my selfish fleeing, my freinds lost sight of me.

At that moment, I glared up at Amy, swaying in my calm, frantic state. I thought to myself a typical festival-thought that many can relate to (and probably in the same drug-induced state too).... I am enveloped by strangers on the front row. My mind is still catching up with me, whirring as my body had run ahead of my thoughts. Singing along with Amy, feeling shocked at how much tinier she was in comparison to her Frank promo shoot, I felt content, elated, for the first time since those darn pills.

Every time I saw Amy perform, it was nothing less than an experience. In some bitter twist, it only seems right that Amy died before her time, just like the great Billie Holiday to whom she aspired to be like.

P.S Thank you guys for putting up with my strange ways that weekend - you all know how strongly i oppose these things ever since!

P.P.S YAY. You weren't pretending to be my friends. AND Eve and I have shared thousands of words since.
Silly pill.

Drummer Girl?

Righto. Three days in to my work placement at City Showcase and I'm already experience a quarter-life crisis. I am not one for spreadsheets, sitting on my arse and taking orders. That's not a patronising remark to secretaries, office workers etc. I just simple don't have the patience for that kind of job.

Im my woe, I decided to take a careers test on iVillage. What did it suggest?

Top answer: Secretary

Another entertaining answer: EVENTS ORGANISER.

Well thank God for that - all it took was 3 days of ripping my stressed hairs out and a 30 minute internet quiz to find I'm already in the perfect job!

Lovely.

Although City Showcase is only a work placement, it's made me realise something. I don't have the foggiest clue about what I want to do for a living. You always think you're going to love doing something; it sounds glamerous, you meet interesting people, you travel to wonderful places....


But can you really enjoy those aspects when working? When you have a boss breathing down your neck and deadlines to meet?

I know I haven't found 'it' yet; the career path that really makes me go "yes, I was born to do this!". In January I wrote a blog about my epiphany on becoming a commediene. I was sure I had a real moment.

But no, I'm still dizzy. Right now? I want to get real bloody good at drums. Being in a band again actually seems appealing, for the first time since college. Being a singer, I always suffered from nerved and panic attacks. But little drummer girl at the back rarely gets noticed. She just bashes it out.

Sounds good to me.

Arse massaging and cigars

WELL! A lot has happened since my last post. The audition that I thought I fucked up in? 


Got the job (:


I'm over the moon! I am Fashion Correspondent for Club 106 TV, where I will be interviewing and presenting on promos for the site, as well as hosting fashion shows in London. I start over the next couple of weeks, cannot wait! I'll be uploading the videos as soon as I can!

Since I last wrote I visited Budapest which was beautiful! I had three amazing massages; When a masseur massages your arse with chocolate mousse cream - you know you're a long way from home. It was a little weird eating by myself, but I got over it eventually. I divulged in cake for breakfast, chilled for hours in the thermal baths, and roamed the food markets. I didn't look at the guide much, I enjoyed following the locals!


I also met these Australian army guys who I smoked a cigar and drank Cognac with on a balcony in the snow! I loved not knowing what was going to happen when you wake up - I would never have predicted that! 


Budapest was so gorgeous and relaxing that I'm already planning to go back with my best friend in Winter. The Hotel Gellert loyalty card will come in handy afterall!


I'll write next time about my first thai chi lesson and the hilariously fucked up conversation I heard between two teenage boys!

x

TV presenting audition number 1.

Well, I didn't think I was going to make it.

I had drawn a pretty perfect map of how to get to the place of audition, Wenlock Business Centre. However, it seems that Google likes to tease me. It wasn't even in the same direction.

Alas, after a journey that took literally ten times longer than estimated, I arrived ten minutes before my audition.


I
was
bricking it!

But it was really okay! I met two other girls there who had never gone for an audition like this either. That was settling. One of them was a lovely young police woman called Sarah who wanted a change of career.

So, after I accidentally nominated myself to go first, I was lead into a room with a white screen and video camera. While on film, a lady asked me to tell her about myself.

FIRST LESSON LEARNT - DO NOT RAMBLE.

I do believe I had one of those 'eyes shifting, nodding, hurry-up glances'.

I was then given three lines. I had to memorise them one at a time, and perform them at the camera. The first two lines were spoken with ease. Then it seems that it went so well, that my brain decided I was overdue for a fuck up. It took me four attempts to say the third line off by heart.

LESSON NUMBER TWO - NERVED AFFECT YOUR MEMORY. CHILL.

It was very casual and we all laughed it off, but with approximately thirty/forty more hopefuls to see, I know they'll be choosing a person with a decent memory for short sentences.

I made an effort to make interesting and funny conversation with them as I left. Telling them that it was my first ever audition may or may not go to be advantage.

Next step? Ring up Wednesday to see if I'm through to the next stage! I'm not expecting to be (that's not modesty, just truthful!). I came out of it thinking, "what was I so scared about?". And I needed that reassurance, because the next time I go for a job, I'll know exactly what to expect.

Moral of the story - two valuable lessons learnt!

Hi Bloggy,


Busy doing work that's due on Tuesday, that I had no idea about until yesterday. 


Bloody Uni handbook. 


Not annoyed at all. 


Love you, you inanimate piece of cyber-nothingness.


Speak soon


xxxxxx

This week is only getting bigger and better!

I've been given an audition at a casting call for a TV presenting job, this Sunday! It's for a reality show, but hell knows what exactly. There's no way I'm even hoping to get it, but I'm very excited at being given opportunities like this though, just so I know what to expect at these kind of interviews! 


I've only been back in Epsom for 48 hours, but with everything that's been going on, it feels more like a week. In a good way though! You just never know what the next day is going to bring. 


I'm hoping to dose myself out with Horlicks and sleeping pills tonight - sleep has not been my friend recently!


Looking forward to a pub quiz tomorrow night with the Horsley girls (:

x

Ready, steady, quiz.

Last nights applications were a SUCCESS! I got a phone call today from Fever Media who invited me down to Camden to audition to be on the pilot/series episode of a news topical quiz show, likely to be commissioned by ITV.

I headed down tonight having no idea what to expect. To be honest, I'm not a fan of Camden. I feel like I have to keep my head down and hold on to my bag for dear life. I headed down a scruffy street thinking, "why the hell would you want your office here?" before stumbling across a massive, posh building - that's the only way I can describe it!


I headed to the right floor and met the other 4 auditionees. When you know your personality is being judged by passer-bys who choose whether or not to put you on a show, it's amazing how much harder you find yourself laughing at everyone else's shit jokes. 


The actual audition was pretty casual. This guy explained the rules while we sat around the table with little bells (the kind of ones you find sitting on a reception desk). Then the game commenced, with overly-polite laughter and cheesy, "Damn I knew that!" moments! I was winning for about ten minutes, before Will (who has appeared on 15-1), took my points! There was also a women there who had been on Eggheads and won £250,000 on Who Wants to be Millionaire - competition! 


Anyway, I went out in the penultimate round (not that it matters how we did, points wise). Think I find out tomorrow if I'm on it. Get in!


Also got an audition to sing for a Great Ormond St Hospital charity night. Though I realised they'd want me on 3 days I can't do, so ba-bye to that one! Awesome to know that the StarNow website is paying off though!


So, for 24 hours work, so far, so good!