A lots been going on since my last installment. So much so that I'll probably miss out the primary nuggets of info worth writing!
It's been moods-wings galore. Not PMS style - I mean frustration, depression, anxious, thankful, appreciative that I'm not worse but devastated that I'm not who I used to be. Once I know what I'm doing in September (Uni or year out to recover), I will feel more relaxed. I'll feel more like I know what I'm going to be dealing with for the next 18 months. Until then, I feel like I'm juggling teapots.
I've been taking 10mg of citalopram to take the edge off of my compulsive worrying (a factor that uses up energy I don't have!). It's been giving me amazing dreams. One night I 'smashed' my leg open, exposing four snooker balls in my knee - one yellow with a smiley face!However it's making me 'zombie-like'. Mike noticed a change in me and I knew that I was being extremely blasé. My Mum's even commented that I look dead behind the eyes. One alcoholic drink during a meal last night made me feel very sick and tried. I feel much more relaxed, but the side effects are not worth it. Think I'll go back to practicing meditation and experimenting with various herbal teas!
The side effects however have helped me to realise that the advice Mike has given me is true - I need to come to terms with what I'm dealing with. When first diagnosed with ME, I thought it would only be affecting me for the next few months. Now that it's been a year and a half, I'm having to understand that this is a long time adjustment. It's about finding a natural coping mechanism - not taking a little white pill.
On a brighter note, a teacher at Uni texted me out of the blue, and offered me a free weekend ticket to Vintage at Goodwood (worth £135!), tent vouchers and food vouchers, in exchange for me writing a daily blog for Uni! Friends of mine know that I can't cope with Festi loos, but the website explained that they have 'many, clean, flushing loos - only the best!' Whoopla! I'm just hoping I can conserve enough energy each day to crawl out of my tent to see all the caberet and comedy! Check it out at their site!
I feel like I'm starting to ramble....
