It's all about M.E

Hello Blog, I've neglected you a bit.

Since my last post I've had a lot to get my head around. I've now been doing my 3 rests a day, as prescribed by my NHS specialist. Such a treatment sounds so easy, even a cop out. But having to them at the exact same times every day (11 30, 1 30 and 5) means that day trips become a heavily planned mission, and Uni in September will be impossible. Therefore social life suffers, affecting my mood and optimism.

After reading through some forums to see who else has tried this resting technique (those I find who have done it, say it took about a year to feel the improvement), I found a guy called Ross. He'd taken Effexor, an AD, and said that teamed with constant rest, he felt great after just a few weeks. His post was 8 years old, but when I saw his e-mail, I thought contacting him for more info was worth a try. I didn't discover much more than what I had already read. Yet he did tell me something that his doctor told him; "Give in to it physically, fight it mentally". It's spot on. Although ME is a physical illness, it's the fight with your mind that's the hardest part. It's the willpower, forcing yourself to rest and miss those sunny days out that's hard. My mind want's to carry on as normal, yet my body won't let me. ME is a very debilitating and frustrating illness. It's not who I am, but the result of who I was. 


Like anyone with ME, I have good days and bad days, where my symptoms are lesser or more severe. I'm currently experiencing a string of 'bad days'. After over doing it Saturday by playing beach rounders for ten minutes (the first time I've had energy to run at all in months!), I'm recovering with severely aching and heavy muscles, fatigue, dizziness, and a have just overcome a terrible 24hr headache that felt like a hangover. It also disrupts my sleep, in which last night was particularly bad. Having gone to bed at 10 30 pm last night, I wasn't able to fall asleep until 7 30am, staying in slumber for a measly 3 hours. The cycle continues, as I've now had to cancel plans to see friends tonight and shopping in Portsmouth with my boyfriend, Mike, tomorrow.

This does all sound doom and gloom I know, but there is a tiny bit of optimism. I'm learning that I need to worry and stress less, which are contributors for making ME worse (and even for causing it in the first place). The first time I did my half hour prescribed rest, I fought back tears, and I smacked my palm against my forehead with frustration.

I still feel like this sometimes, but at other times I'm learning to make the most of my rests; listening to Cocteau Twins and doing my prescribed breathing exercises. Breathing in colours I associate with happiness and calm, and breathing out 'negative' colours I associate with bad emotions I'm feeling at the time, has proved quite beneficial on my mood. However keeping this exercise going for more than 3 minutes at a time is still a huge challenge for my ever thinking and racing mind.

I suppose I'd like my friends to read this. I have an amazing circle of friends and family who support me, as well as Mike, who is wonderful and more understanding than I could every ask someone to be. I worry that some of them think it's depression - a very common misconception - and dare I say it laziness or apathy. I know that my Dad and Nan don't understand it, but I have to accept that ME doesn't 'exist' in their generation's mind.

It's difficult to get across to people that I have an illness because I don't look ill. I go out and socialise on my good days, and I conserve my energy to do my hair and make up before I leave the house. In a crowd I look just like any other woman, which makes things easier and makes things more difficult  at the same time. For example, if I'm invited to a party spontaneously, and I haven't saved any energy with some restful days before hand, I have to say no. An hour in and I'd feel compelled to shut my eyes, out of no will of my own.

So I suppose I'm saying to my friends that although I may not be with you in the flesh as much as I'd like to be, it's out of my hands. After my probable year out of uni to relax and recover, we shall make up for lost times (:

See you on my next good day, which I hope, is Wednesday!

x

Knock back.

You know when some days really hit home to you the situation that you're in? Whether it's one you forget and get reminded about, or one you think about constantly, one sentence can make you reassess it once more.

Leaving over two hours to make the journey from Ryde to Cowes (IOW Festival traffic is insane), I headed to a Health Centre. I've been waiting six weeks (though technically I could say over a year), to be seen by an M.E specialist.

I got given a short, simple and pretty patronising leaflet stating all the things a sufferer already knows about themselves. Stress makes symptoms worse, yah de yah. Then WO bombshell. I knew that the treatment plan they were going to give me was obviously going to involve the one thing in life I find most boring; rest.

They told me that to start my road to recovery, I need to have 3-4 30 minute periods of intense rest, and they must be at the exact same time, each day. I asked, "What about day trips?!" She said that if I want to get better, this must come before my social life. The leaflet continues to rub in that 'your rest should not work around your plans or activities', but vice versa.

I'm desparate to get better. I haven't been able to throw myself into Uni life yet, nor even stay up past midnight without being in some kind of ache or pain. Last Summer was so miserable because of this, that I promised myself that this one would be better. Looks like I'm going to need a lot of will power and determination. I thought I was incredibly strong. Now I'm not so sure how much longer I can put up a fight.

The Wombats: Exclusive Interview with drummer Dan Haggis on thier upcoming album

l-r Matthew 'Murph' Murphy, Dan Haggis, Tord Øverland-Knudsen

'A guide to love, loss and desperation' flirted with playful melancholy and story-telling. Twined with vocal harmonies, The Wombats have achieved a sound that is enjoyably recognisable. So when the drummer of The Wombats, Dan Haggis, told me exclusively about their upcoming album, I had to satisfy the curiosity of the pop-indie nation and find out more...



It was back in 2003 when the guys enrolled at Paul McCartney's Liverpool Institute of Performing Arts. Here their music evolved, and the enthusiasm has carried its' way through seven years of constant gigging and writing.


The guys are enthusiastic as ever when embarking on new material. They've written 20 songs for the album so far, and are still writing as if their pens were on fire. “We want to keep writing as many songs as possible right up till when we go in the studio”, explains Dan. “We always feel there's an even better song just round the corner..so far each corner has treated us well!”


The guys are currently recording in the US. “We flew out to LA at the end of May to work on a few songs with a producer who is based there”, spills Dan excitedly. He's talking about Jack Knife Lee. Having worked with the likes of U2, Bloc Party and Editors, it promises to be another electronica-enthused pop masterpiece. “ We hope to then record the bulk of the album in July”.


The Wombats have their own recognisable sound; A modern delivery with retro twists entwining vocal harmonies and synth melodies. Yet in the beginning the band gave us a much different finishing sound, with fourth guitarist, Ben. Surely he musty be kicking himself for leaving? “Ben was a legend! It was when he left that we started do more backing vocals etcetera to fill up the place of the second guitar, so without that we wouldn't sound he way we do today”.
“We have naturally tried to challenge ourselves in every aspect of the band, but we still have the same approach which is to make every song as interesting as possible from start to finish”. Recent single My Circuit-board City is solid evidence for this. “We all play synths on the new album which means the sounds we use are more diverse and so people should notice a difference”.

Wait, you all play synths on your new album? Does that mean Dan's stripping back on the drums for a few tracks?

He enlightens us. “Haha...well i play the piano too so I thought why not try to add the two together! Our guitar technician made me a little stand for a keyboard and off I went! It's been a good challenge but as with everything it just takes a bit of practice”, reveals Dan, whose just spent his time off in France.

“My girlfriend lives in Paris so I spend a few weekends a month there. I did French at Uni for 2 yrs so I've been honing the old language skills too”. Don't be surprised if there's a continental influence on the next album then...


When discussing the infamous second album pressure, Dan admits that the band have found it difficult at times. “Obviously it's up and down”, he confesses. “One day we think we've nearly got all the songs we need then the next day things wont seem quite as rosy. I think that's a frustrating but important part of being a musician because it means you never get lazy”.


The Wombats have had an intense touring schedule, and finding time to write on the road has been a challenge. “We were touring non stop for two years. We only made three songs together [during this period] as we never had time to write apart from the odd sound-check here and there! It took us a few months of writing and rehearsing before we got used to not being on tour, and since then it's been really good”.

I ask Dan if they approach songwriting in the same way now they're more 'ahem' mature. Well, that attribute is according to their PR. Singer Matthew 'Murph' Murphy reckons they're 'growing backwards'. Dan explains however that although he's taking on a Benjamin Button style growth-spurt, it's Murph who comes up with the basis of the songs.

We play around with it for several days till we are all happy. We usually add things collectively and it's a fun creative process. Some songs we have made for this album have started off as a rough idea one of us has had then we play around it for a while before Murph goes away and write lyrics and finishes it off”.

It's clear that The Wombats have come a long way since the release of their first single, 'Backfire at the Disco'. As a band who would aim for awkward silences at their gigs in the name of humour, it feels unlikely that would be the chosen reaction today. “We never really cared whether the audience got our babbling nonsense or our music”, he explains confidently. I think today we are fortunate enough that the fans at our gigs are amazing and they just want to have a good time. They make our lives on stage a lot easier”.

 
The sight of Dan's multi-tasking is sure to be an eye-opener at live shows, and I'm informed there won't be long to wait before checking out the octopus-man himself. “We do have some dates pencilled in but not till after the summer as we want to put all our time and energy into recording the album”. We do miss touring though. Not long now...”, exclaims Dan.

Any tips on how we can kill the time away until then? "I'd recommend reading was 'The Cloud Atlas' by David Mitchell! Amazing". Will do Dan, once I finished your recommended read, I think I'll just dance to Joy Division.

Click here to check out My Circuit-board City on The Wombats Myspace.

Sex and the City 2 : The Carrie-on

I've never written a film review before, but after watching the hyped SATC2 I felt completely compelled. If you are a fan of the fab four and have followed them throughout the six series, you may be feeling mixed emotions. If you haven't followed the series but watched the recent cinematic event, you'll probably be wondering what the fuss is about.

The writers (no, not Carrie), do well to address realistic issues. Samantha for example works her way through wonder drugs and pills in order to control her menopause. Miranda and Charlotte have a touching and emotional heart-to-heart about the difficulties of being a mother, not to mention Charlotte's paranoia of having a 'bouncy' and beautiful nanny at home alone with the hubby.

Whilst there are titbits of sisterhood and friendship, the glue that binds it together has become materialistic, unrealistic and down right disrespectful.

There are many occassions that display a lack of respect for Abu Dhabi's Islamic culture. Samantha insists on wearing revealling clothing, getting physcial on a public beach (despite knowing the laws), and waves condoms and two fingers towards muslim men who are sexually very conservative. There are even muslim women who lure the 4 ladies into a hidden room. Here, they take off their religious clothing and show us 2010's S/S catwalk collection. Not a film based on facts then.

Miranda saves the girls a bit of dignity by learning some of the native language, and telling the girl's (or us) occassionally about the land's history and culture.

Stephen Farber, the Hollywood Reporter's reviewer stated: "The rather scathing portrayal of Muslim society no doubt will stir controversy, especially in a frothy summer entertainment, but there's something bracing about the film's saucy political incorrectness. Or is it politically correct?" That's up to you. If you want to read more on this topic check out an article by a Daily Mail journo - a paper I'm unlikely to recommend again; Sex And The City 2 Reviews: Critic Calls Film 'Anti-Muslim'

Carrie mocks a woman wearing a niqab (the back viel covering a woman's facial features). They laugh as she lifts it every time she eats a chip, and exclaims how lucky she is for not having to run her botox bill high. Is this realism, or purely offensive?

Amongst the gay weddings and shopping trips, I also come to realise that in fact, Carrie is a TERRIBLE role model for women. Yes, she inspires us to write about love and what we believe in. However she treats Big (who she now calls John, as she seems to be all grown up) like an incompetant child.

The two spare a romantic evening watching a black and white movie in a hotel. In order to share more of those times, Big purchases a TV for thier bedroom as an anniversary present. She is instantly unthankful and pulls a strop. The following night, Carrie insists that he join her for Smith's premiere, after he has spent a very stressful day at work. She guilt trips him into coming, and drags him home again once she spies him chatting with a woman. At home, he then turns on the TV, which is apparently all too much for Carrie. 
Another strop is born, and she spends the next two days at her old apartment. 

To top off her behaviour, she then cheats on Big with Aiden on holiday in Abu Dhabi - they bumped into each other there, surely fate must be telling them to cheat?! This is what she appears to argue.

Carrie runs back to her hotel like a headless chicken, and after insulting Charlotte's marraige and cancelling dinenr with the girl's to see Aiden, she insists they must come to her beck and call and listen to her warblings and worries for hours. She ignores thier advice (why bother?) and tells Big about the kiss. Big is obviously left distraught.

But you guessed it. It's SATC. There is of course a happy ending to leave all the women out there with a feeling of hope. He gives her a huge wedding ring (a ring she previously refused to wear, despite giving each other thier vows almost three years prior). And of course, they are the happy couple once again.

All kinds of women everywhere, myself included, do or have looked up to Carrie at some point. We've watched an episode and related with a difficult situation. We've sat on tenterhooks wondering how she's going to cope with it; we need the reassurance that our relationships will be just fine too. 
But if this is how we are meant to treat men and show respect for our realtionships, I would rather put my faith in Katie Price.  

A movie that delivers some sweet SATC satisfaction if you're a fan. But expect to leave with a slightly sour taste in your mouth, and the wish never the do kareoke with your girls again...

Recent Ramblings

I'm in bed. I'm feeling poo. I'm missing the last day of uni. And to make it worse, it's Holly Willoughby's day off on This Morning, nooo!

Aaaah so here's a good time to bring the blogging world up to date with my escapades. This week's been pretty cool! I've had loads of Ann Summers bookings and have had some pretty cool days out. And The Wombats even got back to me with their completed interview answers! Keep your eyes out for my exclusive interview with them on their new album!

Saturday, Mike, gorgeous Elena and I headed down to Flamingo Park, whoopla! Despite all the cool animals, Elena just wanted to feed the ducks for 3 hours. Easily pleased!

I LOVE penguins, and was so excited to feed them fish. Last time I came to Flamingo Park I was actually on holiday here (before I moved).

The wallabies were awesome too. However we fed them seeds for about 20 minutes before someone came over and pointed out the tiny hidden sign that says how sick seeds make them. Oops!

Sunday, Anneka picked me up in her new wheels! Well it was her second car. Driving a week and her first one blew up! Though despite the scary omen her driving was wicked and we went down to Ventnor beach for some essential sea, sand and seafood! Whilst Marc and his friend Ed had 'gone fishin' we sizzled as some weird bloke asked what my back tattoo means. Now I understand what Mike means, when he gets pissed off with strangers feeling entitled to ask about them!

Oh the food! I tried ginger ice-cream which was surreal and a fresh crab baguette at the spyglass over looking the sea! Whoever says the island is boring needs to get about!

Also headed down to the Boathouse pub in Seaview with week for drinks with Mike. After wrongly predicting the temperature of being down the seafront at night, the only method of warm travel was to skip home.

I'm off to make mulligatawny, a cup of Lady Grey and get ready to watch Lost. Oh my thrilling life (:

x

Some Great Escape Highlights...


HURTS

Manchester electronica duo Hurts graced Coalition with a slick performance. Their performance was visually endearing with projections and dramatic deliverance, looking and sounding like no other band at present. Dressed immaculately in tuxes, vocalists Theo Hutchcraft and Ian Anderson gave us powerful vocals. Their sinister pop sound is reminiscent of Gary Numan. However Hurts have adapted the sound and made it applicable for the 21st century. New single Better Than Love promises to be a cult summer hit.


1, 2, 3

Hailing as a coalition from Pittsburgh and LA, 1, 2, 3 played their 1st UK show (only their second as a band) at Jam. Their nostalgic performance was surprisingly well executed. However their inexperience together as a band shone through. Disorganisation with pedals meant that the crowd were left waiting for five minutes after the first song before hearing another. The rest of the show continued without a hitch, allowing us to appreciate Nic Snyder’s soulful voice and fifties influence. As I did, you may find it impossible to find their Myspace, so here's a helper.

Fuck you M.E!

So I've been on various chinese herbal medicines for about 3 months now. At the moment I'm on Xi Yang Sen and Ling Zhi (which my boyfriend curiously tells me that they're the spitting image of magic mushrooms)! I have to put them in my tea, and drink about 5 cups a day - eeeeeasy! It's costing £60 a month, but after a depressing year of canceling plans and having to take it boringly easy, anything that will give me some of my energy back is worth the world and more to me!

On a good day, I have up to 50% more energy, and could not be happier!!! Before developing M.E, I had two friends who had it. Unfortunately, one of them came face to face with old fashioned accusations such as "You're only attention-seeking", "she's just depressed". Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with as much of this nonsense.

It takes a year before you can be officially diagnosed. As soon as the anniversary came around, I got put onto the NHS waiting list, and will start seeing a specialist from June 10th!

 I was amazed when I saw BRMC a month ago, and was able to mosh about without feeling too dead the next day (despite having a neck that felt like it was about to snap!) The gig was followed by a few calm days. But 3 months ago, it was looking like I'd have to either sell the ticket, or spend the following 2/3 days resting and canceling any plans.

So this weekend is a step up of a challenge - I'm off to Great Escape! Well, I should be leaving for Brighton right now, as it starts tonight. But I need to be realistic. I don't have the energy to party 3 nights in a row. I'm hoping I can do two though. That'll be a wonderful sign that I am getting better!