Knock back.

You know when some days really hit home to you the situation that you're in? Whether it's one you forget and get reminded about, or one you think about constantly, one sentence can make you reassess it once more.

Leaving over two hours to make the journey from Ryde to Cowes (IOW Festival traffic is insane), I headed to a Health Centre. I've been waiting six weeks (though technically I could say over a year), to be seen by an M.E specialist.

I got given a short, simple and pretty patronising leaflet stating all the things a sufferer already knows about themselves. Stress makes symptoms worse, yah de yah. Then WO bombshell. I knew that the treatment plan they were going to give me was obviously going to involve the one thing in life I find most boring; rest.

They told me that to start my road to recovery, I need to have 3-4 30 minute periods of intense rest, and they must be at the exact same time, each day. I asked, "What about day trips?!" She said that if I want to get better, this must come before my social life. The leaflet continues to rub in that 'your rest should not work around your plans or activities', but vice versa.

I'm desparate to get better. I haven't been able to throw myself into Uni life yet, nor even stay up past midnight without being in some kind of ache or pain. Last Summer was so miserable because of this, that I promised myself that this one would be better. Looks like I'm going to need a lot of will power and determination. I thought I was incredibly strong. Now I'm not so sure how much longer I can put up a fight.