Now and then, I have an epiphany.

3-7 years old: After my Aunty Heather took me to Tate Modern with crayons and paper, I was hooked. I drew The Snail by Matisse, "Mummy, I wanna be an artist!"

7-10 years old: After singing out of my window as loud as I could everyday, hoping a someone with a spare record deal contract in thier pocket would pass. I remember thinking girls shouldn't be playing guitars.

10-13 years old: After watching too much Changing Rooms, having been hypnotised by Lewellyn-Bowen's wild hair; "I want to be an interior designer!"

14-17 years old: After battling with OCD and going through numerous types of treatment therapies. "I'm going to be a psychologist". I wanted to understand my head a little better!

18-21 years old: After coming out of music college and realising I'm definatley not up for the music industry.. I decided on TV presenting/radio broadcast etc".

Now, at the grand old age of 22, after reading a selection of comedian's autobiographies and realising that I enjoy nothing better than watching stand up, I've decided I would LOVE to be a stand up. I love nothing more then making my friends crease up in stitches.

I was so overshelmingly inspired that I sat up in bed at 2am last night and started writing jokes and laying down all the 'funny' stories and anecdotes I have in my little indesicive head. The problem is, I'm my own biggest fan. I'm glad to say that now and then I make my friends crack up and am sometimes referred to as 'that funny girl'.... I might be misinterpreting the meaning. Anyway, I'll crack a joke or a one liner (Russian music joke, anyone? Friends will know what I'm on about), and I'll be laughing too hard at my halariousness that five minutes later when I stop laughing my mates are just looking at me in horror.

Anyway, I wrote some daft one liners last night (I'd write out the long jokes I wrote too, but without a live thrusting action, one of the jokes would be lost on you, my dear reader). I'm a huge fan of one-liner comedians like Stuart Francis, Milton Jones (who I'll be seeing live in February), and Tim Vine. So here are some I wrote at 2am in my jim-jams last night. Have a butchers;





"I was asked to draw the curtains. I did my best, but I'm no Picasso...".

"Last night I was invited to a pool party. It wasn't quite what I expected. My chalk got soaked. I took my cue to leave...".

"I once found myself in a massive tin of Heinz Spaghetti... I had to jump through hoops to get out of there...".

"I once performed a song that had several chord changes. The wardrobe department couldn't keep up...".

"My little cousin kept telling her mum, 'I need a wee, I really need a wee!' She loved getting a new games console for Christmas, but she did develop some concerning bladder issues...".

Let me know if they're crap! Ha, I don't deal with that false approval thing very well!

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